Serve your kids' interests - Part 2

In a posh Manhattan high rise, I once interviewed for a nanny job. While I respected my interviewer's rags to riches story, looking back I take deference to why he was hiring a nanny. The nanny job (requiring a college degree) was not only to tutor the children in their schoolwork, but to serve as an advocate for their advanced development as individuals. In other words, if a child wanted to be on the football team, take saxophone lessons, be on the debate team, take 4-H, be a student senator, and climb Mt. McKinley, it was the nanny’s job to see that it happened---all within the child’s short adolescent life. As there were several children in the home, this would be, for certain, a massive undertaking. I actually think it would have been a fun job, but I don’t think kids need to be involved in everything (unless they are extraordinary---and most are not) to find what they like in life. In fact, I think that giving kids a healthy dose of down time is extremely desirable.

When I was in High School I would arise at 5:30 a.m. to go running. Regardless of snow, heat, rain, it didn't matter; I went running. Then I joined the swim team. That meant rising at 4:30 a.m. so I could have a dark-of-the-morning run and catch the early bus for swim practice. Sometimes I stayed up until 2:00 a.m. doing homework. I remember falling asleep in Chemistry class---and probably many others. I look back on that time as being unnecessarily burdensome. Through that and other long-term experiences with over doing it, I have come to believe that many times less is more. I am happy to give full devotion to one or two primary interests for each child, but beyond that it is superfluous. The good thing is that because I'm not hauling them off to multitudinous, useless practices, they actually have time to develop independent interests, many of which they can do right at home or nearby.

Kids need to be kids. Families need time together---at home, in a positive environment. This is rarer all the time, but is vital for health and wellness. What is not needed is a frenzied, artificial existent consisting of clubs, activities, awards and achievements. Moderation is key in a healthy life and a child's development. Serve your kids' interests. But keep a balance.

Serve your kids' interests

What? Serve your kids? Don't they get enough from you already? Well, to be honest, watching kids develop is one of the finest perks of parenthood. A newborn arrives all helpless and cute, but pretty much without personality---except for the degree of anger they show when hungry, tired, uncomfortable, etc. As time passes more individuality emerges and they become a lot more charming. As you know, I think teen-hood is the pinnacle of adolescent adorability, and during these years kids have a well-oiled set of preferences and interests. This makes life more interesting.

I learned about childrens' preferences first through Christian. When he was a toddler, I saw a gymnast in him. His father has the compact gymnast build and I saw our little Christian as a budding "Daddy." At an early age I took Christian to gymnastics lessons, but he seemed bored. Finally we dropped the program.

Later Christian wanted to do soccer. But even that interest waned in a few years. Christian's true passion ended up being skateboarding. And he's good at it. One day he skateboarded for eight solid hours; not worrying about the heat, food or pretty much any other care. It was so wonderful to see him develop his passion.

Beamer's long standing interest was flying. He asked me to paint clouds on his pitched bedroom ceiling. He wanted jet posters for Christmas. He built model airplanes. In ninth grade he joined the Air Force Junior ROTC. He had the opportunity to complete pilot ground school by age 16, but in the end his interest in flying waned.

Enter riflery. Now that has become his sincere interest. Sparing the details, he has hunted bunnies, coyotes, and elk. He enjoys target

practice and even convinced Stina and me to go shooting on a blazingly hot afternoon. Stina and I became converted to riflery after using his souped-up-user-friendly .22 helped us nail our targets. OK, so happiness can be found on a 100-degree-day in a barren dessert.

There are few physical things I would buy my kids to spoil them. But if they develop a legitimate interest in something, I will move the cosmos to support them. It's fun, and it's one of the best things about parenting. It's self-renewing because it's what they want to do. Serve your kids' interests; it may serve yours as well.

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"Mom, I want . . ." Part 2

One of the main reasons I mentioned our camp out was to illustrate the lengths we sometimes go to for our children. Granted, it was good for all of us, and not totally a sacrifice, but it was the "princess" who requested it.

Unbelievably right after we returned home Kristina had another request. What? Another request? My mother-in-law tells the story of taking her eight children to Disneyland, lavishing them with every imaginable luxury and on the way home, such and such child wanted something else. What? Something else? She about lost it. Maybe she did lose it, but her eight kids did live to adulthood.

What do you think a fifteen-year-old girl wanted to do after camping? "I want to do driving," she said. Uhhhh. Stina just got her driving permit and has been very anxious to drive. Kevin and I, well, we've just been anxious.

Kristina knew I wouldn't be game for driving after a camp out. Not a chance. So she started working on Dad. Now, you need some back information. The last time the two of them went driving Dad was lecturing and Kristina was intolerant and Dad's last words were, "If you're going to drive in my car, you're going to have to be teachable, and until then you're not driving in my car!" (Huff!)

More back information. Kristina has spent years disliking Dad (and adoring mom), so their relationship has been tentative at best. Factor in driving---ouch! Well, they've made a lot of progress, but how Kristina finagled Dad into driving that night (after the camp out) I'll never know.

So Kristina drove with Dad to Grandma's apartment. They had a nice visit with Grandma. On the drive there and back Dad lectured; Kristina was humble. It worked out great!

. . . How she ever got her way after we gave her a camp out---go figure. "Getting my way is my first priority . . .." Sometimes it works out well.

Camp Kolob - A Family Experiment

This camp out was a test to see if a camping family, or any family can "long endure." Previously we've had some unsavory conflicts during camp outs, such as sour attitudes, complaints about the "girls," and a lack of willingness to camp at all. Yet there has been enough interest in the venture to keep trying. Camp Kolob was a resounding success and you can see some proof of that in the photos.