Apologize once in a while

"It's your turn to suffer!" my son said as my white-knuckled hands clench the security bar. In a moment I would be thrust straight up, down, and then twisted around at what felt like super-sonic speed. The reason I was in such a predicament is because I am human. I am a mommy, and inherent in mommy-hood is a fair share of regrets and what ifs. This act of jeopardizing my life was a type of apology.

It is important to apologize to children as a measure of good emotional health for them and for you. What I am not talking about is letting your children rule the roost, with you groveling under their dominion. What I am talking about it a healthy parent-child relationship composed of two imperfect people who are helping each other pass through life's lessons. This will require apologies on both sides at times.

Young children tend to think of their parents as gods. Because they are so dependent on parents, their source of everything is usually you. However, when you do make mistakes, they "feel" something is wrong, even if they can't identify it. Since children look to you as an example of how to live an effective life, they will need to know how to deal with repairing mistakes, which inevitably come in life.

When a parent apologizes, it shows children that it's OK to acknowledge errors and that a person is still good even if they make mistakes. In other words, it is a huge life skill to realize you are OK in spite of inevitable errors. Apologizing to children on occasion reinforces this skill and can heal the relationship.

That summer day when my young adult son was gloating over my grief was perhaps a moment of healing. I had apologized to him at times throughout his youth, but on that day I had offered to go on the scariest amusement park ride of his choice if he would forgive me of all the "mommy" stuff I had done to hurt him. Let's just say his joy was apparent.

Teach life skills and heal relationships by apologizing to your kids.