Serve your kids' interests - Part 2

In a posh Manhattan high rise, I once interviewed for a nanny job. While I respected my interviewer's rags to riches story, looking back I take deference to why he was hiring a nanny. The nanny job (requiring a college degree) was not only to tutor the children in their schoolwork, but to serve as an advocate for their advanced development as individuals. In other words, if a child wanted to be on the football team, take saxophone lessons, be on the debate team, take 4-H, be a student senator, and climb Mt. McKinley, it was the nanny’s job to see that it happened---all within the child’s short adolescent life. As there were several children in the home, this would be, for certain, a massive undertaking. I actually think it would have been a fun job, but I don’t think kids need to be involved in everything (unless they are extraordinary---and most are not) to find what they like in life. In fact, I think that giving kids a healthy dose of down time is extremely desirable.

When I was in High School I would arise at 5:30 a.m. to go running. Regardless of snow, heat, rain, it didn't matter; I went running. Then I joined the swim team. That meant rising at 4:30 a.m. so I could have a dark-of-the-morning run and catch the early bus for swim practice. Sometimes I stayed up until 2:00 a.m. doing homework. I remember falling asleep in Chemistry class---and probably many others. I look back on that time as being unnecessarily burdensome. Through that and other long-term experiences with over doing it, I have come to believe that many times less is more. I am happy to give full devotion to one or two primary interests for each child, but beyond that it is superfluous. The good thing is that because I'm not hauling them off to multitudinous, useless practices, they actually have time to develop independent interests, many of which they can do right at home or nearby.

Kids need to be kids. Families need time together---at home, in a positive environment. This is rarer all the time, but is vital for health and wellness. What is not needed is a frenzied, artificial existent consisting of clubs, activities, awards and achievements. Moderation is key in a healthy life and a child's development. Serve your kids' interests. But keep a balance.

Serve your kids' interests

What? Serve your kids? Don't they get enough from you already? Well, to be honest, watching kids develop is one of the finest perks of parenthood. A newborn arrives all helpless and cute, but pretty much without personality---except for the degree of anger they show when hungry, tired, uncomfortable, etc. As time passes more individuality emerges and they become a lot more charming. As you know, I think teen-hood is the pinnacle of adolescent adorability, and during these years kids have a well-oiled set of preferences and interests. This makes life more interesting.

I learned about childrens' preferences first through Christian. When he was a toddler, I saw a gymnast in him. His father has the compact gymnast build and I saw our little Christian as a budding "Daddy." At an early age I took Christian to gymnastics lessons, but he seemed bored. Finally we dropped the program.

Later Christian wanted to do soccer. But even that interest waned in a few years. Christian's true passion ended up being skateboarding. And he's good at it. One day he skateboarded for eight solid hours; not worrying about the heat, food or pretty much any other care. It was so wonderful to see him develop his passion.

Beamer's long standing interest was flying. He asked me to paint clouds on his pitched bedroom ceiling. He wanted jet posters for Christmas. He built model airplanes. In ninth grade he joined the Air Force Junior ROTC. He had the opportunity to complete pilot ground school by age 16, but in the end his interest in flying waned.

Enter riflery. Now that has become his sincere interest. Sparing the details, he has hunted bunnies, coyotes, and elk. He enjoys target

practice and even convinced Stina and me to go shooting on a blazingly hot afternoon. Stina and I became converted to riflery after using his souped-up-user-friendly .22 helped us nail our targets. OK, so happiness can be found on a 100-degree-day in a barren dessert.

There are few physical things I would buy my kids to spoil them. But if they develop a legitimate interest in something, I will move the cosmos to support them. It's fun, and it's one of the best things about parenting. It's self-renewing because it's what they want to do. Serve your kids' interests; it may serve yours as well.

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"Mom, I want . . ." Part 2

One of the main reasons I mentioned our camp out was to illustrate the lengths we sometimes go to for our children. Granted, it was good for all of us, and not totally a sacrifice, but it was the "princess" who requested it.

Unbelievably right after we returned home Kristina had another request. What? Another request? My mother-in-law tells the story of taking her eight children to Disneyland, lavishing them with every imaginable luxury and on the way home, such and such child wanted something else. What? Something else? She about lost it. Maybe she did lose it, but her eight kids did live to adulthood.

What do you think a fifteen-year-old girl wanted to do after camping? "I want to do driving," she said. Uhhhh. Stina just got her driving permit and has been very anxious to drive. Kevin and I, well, we've just been anxious.

Kristina knew I wouldn't be game for driving after a camp out. Not a chance. So she started working on Dad. Now, you need some back information. The last time the two of them went driving Dad was lecturing and Kristina was intolerant and Dad's last words were, "If you're going to drive in my car, you're going to have to be teachable, and until then you're not driving in my car!" (Huff!)

More back information. Kristina has spent years disliking Dad (and adoring mom), so their relationship has been tentative at best. Factor in driving---ouch! Well, they've made a lot of progress, but how Kristina finagled Dad into driving that night (after the camp out) I'll never know.

So Kristina drove with Dad to Grandma's apartment. They had a nice visit with Grandma. On the drive there and back Dad lectured; Kristina was humble. It worked out great!

. . . How she ever got her way after we gave her a camp out---go figure. "Getting my way is my first priority . . .." Sometimes it works out well.

Camp Kolob - A Family Experiment

This camp out was a test to see if a camping family, or any family can "long endure." Previously we've had some unsavory conflicts during camp outs, such as sour attitudes, complaints about the "girls," and a lack of willingness to camp at all. Yet there has been enough interest in the venture to keep trying. Camp Kolob was a resounding success and you can see some proof of that in the photos.

"Mom, I want . . ."

One day one of my children came up to me and said, "Mom, I want . . . ," and there was no closure. Isn't that the truth? There is no end to what a child wants, or what an adult wants, or to what any of us want. We all just want. A recent request came from Kristina who said she wanted to go camping with the family. This was no small request. Kristina has no problem making huge requests at any time of day or night; fresh, tired, rich, poor, it's all about her pressing needs and wants.

We have a family camping dilemma---the boys and the girls. The boys like hard-core-pack-it-in-climb-the-face-of-the-cliff camping. The girls, well, we do well with lots of padding and toilet paper, got it? When we've camped as a family the boys have frequently let the girls know we're a burden; whiny, inconvenient, etc. So we said no more of that. If we're going to camp as a family, we're going to be happy campers, whether we like it or not. No whining, no anti-female comments.

Miraculously we found a date that would work and through persistence Beamer and I got work off. When we were planning the camp out Beamer was complaining that he wanted to go somewhere new and that what he really wanted was to go camping just with Christian. Since Christian is 7,500 miles away, I didn't think he was going to make it for the weekend. We all just sat there, lethargic and bored. Planning was a disaster. But, we kept the date and the plans.

Kevin with match number nine, ten . . .

We arrived at Kolob Reservoir, awestruck from the scenic drive. Setting up camp after a good rain was interesting as my husband joked that I couldn't make a one-match fire. After several of his own failed attempts we had a blaze a-going.

Funny things happen on camp outs. Girls actually like their dads.

We came, we camped, we conquered. We stayed warm and dry and we were all in a good mood. Heaven and earth were moved for Kristina's wish, and I can attest that miracles of Biblical proportions still happen. Our camp out was proof!

Teenagers are entertaining

"I would rather have an obedient, honest child," was my reply.  Kristina asked me the question after I asked her if doing some of her brother's dishes would hurt her.  To which she said, "Yes.  . . . At least I'm honest.  Would you rather have a whiny, disobedient, honest child, or an obedient, dishonest child?"  So now you have my answer.

I must say, some of the things my kids say really crack me up.  Stina and I were talking about the Little Mermaid musical showing at the Tuacahn Amphitheater.  Kristina said she'd like to see it, but not that much, adding, "I mean, I'm not going out of my way to see some chick with red hair and purple seashells." 

Warning: Strong teen vernacular follows.

Beamer and I were talking about using the snooze feature on alarm clocks, and how using two alarm clocks saved him from sleeping in today.  I told him how I hear Kristina using the snooze feature again and again and again on the same morning.  Kristina piped up and said that she had used snooze for an hour this morning.  Beamer retorted, “Do you call that restful sleep?  I call it pissed off at your alarm clock!”

After breakfast Kristina saw a cat in our yard and went out to pet it.  Beamer, whom we call "bunny killer" said,  “You don’t try to pet it, you chase it away.”  (More on the "bunny killer" later.)

And speaking of chasing animals, Beamer had to tell us about seeing a dog doing its number on his friend’s lawn.  Not seeing the pet’s owner he chased it away.  When the owner saw Beamer he said, “That’s real mature.”  Beamer thought to himself, “Wow, if I went and crapped on your lawn, that’s real mature!”

A lot of these kinds of conversations happen before 8 a.m.  The day only gets better.  I told the troops I'll keep them around as long as they entertain me!

One thing the commandos tell the troops is, "We love you . . . on Tuesdays and Thursdays."  As the kids were leaving for school today I said, "I love you! . . . Is it Thursday? . . . Nope, it's Friday."  I think I entertain them too.

Introducing the troops

I say, "Introducing the troops," because rearing teenagers is much like living in a battle field.  It's their tactics, their weapons, their ambition against you, the parent.  Hopefully you have a spouse or partner to help out.  And hopefully your partner is like minded in the crusade.

After Christian's first bike wreck.

Christian, Beamer and Kristina Wright.  These are the troops.  Christian lives in Australia, volunteering as a missionary for our church.  He goes by the religious title "Elder" Wright.  BMW are Bronson's initials, so we call him "Beamer."  Everyone calls him Beamer and no one knows his real name.  Kristina is "Stina" in the family.

Janet and Kevin, special-ops commandos and sometimes
very effective parents.

Get to know Beamer and Stina at http://splashmultimedia.blogspot.com/.